What would you say
by CryingRain
Summary: Random thoughts of a man in love.


**Title:** What would you say...

**Rating:** PG

**Disclaimer**: Cold Case belongs to Jerry Bruckheimer and not to me. It's a pity, really.

**Pairing:** L/S

**A/N**: Love it, hate it? If you like you can leave me a little review. Thank you very much for the lovely reviews for my last story.

* * *

It's still early in the morning and I'm watching you from behind the mirror while you are interviewing a suspect together with Vera. You have no idea that I am there and I am thankful for this because there is no reason for my presence. After all I just came back from holiday and have no information about the latest cases.

You and Vera are playing the good old 'good cop – bad cop' game and I see you smiling friendly at the suspect after Vera scared the poor guy almost to death with his shouting. You are always a beautiful woman but even more when you smile. It's like you start to shine from the inside and at these moments you look incredibly young and vulnerable. Maybe this is the reason you smile so seldom. You don't like to be vulnerable.

What has happened to you that made this outwardly though woman so shy where human relations are concerned? Was it your childhood, where there was never enough food nor love? Was it a man that didn't treat you like you deserved to be treated? You are a riddle Lilly Rush. A riddle I would love to solve.

It's Vera's turn again. He is assailing your suspect with one question after the other, and for the moment you lean back in your chair, completely withdrawn into yourself. For the tiniest fraction of a second a sad expression crosses your face and you look almost heartbroken. Do you think of him? Of Kite?

Don't think I don't know the rumours, how he wooed you with his charm and perseverance only to give up when things weren't as easy as he wanted anymore. If it had been me I wouldn't have given up but tried to show you how beautiful this world we are living in can be. When was the last time you enjoyed the fresh air on a cold winter evening? When was the last time you smelled flowers in spring? When was the last time you laughed for sheer joy?

I seems you two have enough for the moment and Vera releases the man. I slip out of the room and walk over to my desk. I pretend to read some files while in fact I'm waiting for the sound of your steps. I don't have to wait long before I hear you coming over.

"Hey, Scotty. How are you? Did you enjoy your holiday?"

I look up at you and you are smiling at me. Your deep blue eyes are looking friendly and I'm sure you are glad to know me back. What would I give to have you looking at me with more than friendship in your eyes.

I smile back at you.

"Hey, Lilly. The last days were quite nice. You should try a holiday yourself sometime soon. Tell me what's new around here?"

The next minutes I listen to you giving me all important information about your actual case. At least I listened to you for the first five minutes but like so often in the last time I got distracted. It's like I could get lost in your eyes, sparkling with life or in the sight of your sensual lips. How often did I dream of feeling their softness? How often did I dream of tasting their sweetness?

"Earth to Scotty. Everything alright?" You look at me worried and I feel a light blush creeping up my cheeks. I haven't blushed in years.

"I'm ok. I'm a bit tired that's all. I spent a great deal of the last days in bed, trying to compensate the lack of sleep during the last months." I smile at you apologetically and you seem to buy my explanation.

"Don't make me envious. I could need a bit more sleep myself." You sigh and I have another vision of me, lying in bed with you, holding you in my arms.

For the next minutes I listen to you carefully and as you are finished you have to hurry because you have another interview. As you leave the room I force myself not to look after you.

Oh Lilly, what are you doing to me? Sometimes I wish you knew what is going on inside of me but most often I'm only happy that you seem to sense nothing. I fear your rejection far too much to speak and so I watch you in silence whenever you won't notice.

_What would you say if you knew that I took the vacation because I cannot stop thinking of you?_

_What would you say if you knew that my heart starts beating faster every time you smile at me?_

_What would you say if you knew that you haunt my dreams every night?_

_What would you say if you knew that I love you?_

The End


End file.
